I ... entered the poem of life, whose purpose is ... simply to witness the beauties of the world, to discover the many forms that love can take. (Barabara Blackman in 'Glass After Glass')

These poems are works in progress and may be updated without notice. Nevertheless copyright applies to all writings here and all photos (which are either my own or used with permission). Thank you for your comments. I read and appreciate them all, and reply here to specific points that seem to need it — or as I have the leisure. Otherwise I reciprocate by reading and commenting on your blog posts as much as possible.

1 April 2017

Thin Cries

heavy rains 
and me all alone 
without you
all my tears unheard
in that louder storm


Notes:

Title:
I play on the name of this new form,
created by the inventive, innovative
Magaly Guerrero: Thinner Tanka.

Line 1:
I call on nature 
I call on my home
I call on the truth of now.

Lines 2 and 3:
Not only alone
in the storm (has she cover?) –
more alone without
that one, longed-for lover!

Lines 4 and 5:
Tears go unheard
by the one they mourn,
not merely drowned
by the flooding storm.


Arising simultaneously from a prompt by Kerry O'Connor: Literary Excursions ~ Annotations at 'imaginary garden with real toads', in which the annotations are necessary to and even part of the poem, and a conversation on facebook with Magaly Guerrero about innovations to traditional forms. (She was thinking about trying a 'thinner tanka' with reduced syllable count of 3/5/3/5/5, and I couldn't resist the idea.  Dear Magaly, I hope it isn't mean of me to leap in ahead of you – if indeed I have – and I hope you don't mind me 'outing' you as creator of this kind of tanka!)
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7 comments:

  1. Magaly Guerrero1 April 2017 at 13:52

    I love how you played with the title and the form. And I'm all grins because without reading the annotations, I felt most of what you were going for--the longing, the desperation, the dance between the speaker's emotions and Nature. Just wonderful.

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  2. Sherry Blue Sky1 April 2017 at 13:56

    Well, as I was completely hornswoggled at the idea of annotating a poem, on top of actually writing one, I do think you are very clever to have done so so nimbly AND in a new form as well. Wow! Well done. And the poem itself is so poignant. It must have been scary with the storm so fierce. Glad your place didn't flood, my friend. So sorry for those whose places did.

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  3. Kerry O'Connor1 April 2017 at 16:51

    What I really appreciate about your approach is that you have produced two poems, each with its own voice, one subjective and the other objective, two views of loneliness and loss. Very well done.

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  4. brudberg1 April 2017 at 19:05

    I agree with Kerry, that making poetry of the notes makes this a very satisfying and full read,

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  5. hedgewitch2 April 2017 at 00:27

    Tanka is a form I am fond of, and I love this twist on it--sparse but very full of everything a poem should hold. Consider me in agreement with those who find the notes such a rich option of poetry themselves.

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  6. Sanaa Rizvi2 April 2017 at 05:42

    The notes provided lend such satisfaction to the reader.. sigh.. beautifully done!❤️

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  7. Anonymous2 April 2017 at 08:04

    An imaginative approach. A deeper look into the rain.

    ReplyDelete

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