The dead woman
is watching.
She wants to hang on.
The dead woman
taking long sniffs
lets the heat burst.
The dead woman
sits
without turning.
She dreams
that the rain
is nothing.
2 January 2015
More About the Dead Woman
(‘Less is more’)
The dead woman
is watching.
She wants to hang on.
The dead woman
taking long sniffs
lets the heat burst.
The dead woman
sits
without turning.
She dreams
that the rain
is nothing.
I wanted to try an erasure poem.
I had discovered that my 'Dead Woman' poem was incomplete, as the form is supposed to include a second piece: 'More About ...' (So this is the companion piece to the first one.)
I did the erasure on my own original Dead Woman poem, with the idea of saying something new (more) while paring it right down (less).
The dead woman
is watching.
She wants to hang on.
The dead woman
taking long sniffs
lets the heat burst.
The dead woman
sits
without turning.
She dreams
that the rain
is nothing.
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Wow! This is fantastic, Rosemary. Went back and refreshed myself as to the first one, which is wonderful, but this one takes us even deeper, is pithier, and really effective. Love it!
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you. I'm so glad you find it so!
DeleteThe rain only makes us get drowned if we don't put on our raincoats.
ReplyDeletePossibly not a consideration for the dead.
Delete