Prompt: a hobby
When I was a town planner, I didn’t get paid.
That makes it a hobby, doesn’t it?
I took the job on in a voluntary way.
I could see a need, and I loved the work.
What makes a hobby anyway?
I had ruler and setsquare and blank paper,
everything I needed, and I loved the work,
creating a kind environment for people.
With ruler and setsquare, my blank paper
took on life, took on shape, took on dimension.
I created a kind environment for people,
good places to live and work and play.
The shape of life needs all those dimensions.
And it needs challenge and mystery.
Good places to live and work and play
don’t always reside on the broad highway.
In the interests of challenge and mystery
I made some streets narrow, winding, hilly,
branching off from the broad highway
into lanes behind the parks and gardens.
Those lanes that were narrow, winding and hilly
had cobbled pavements and steps that led down
to levels descending from the parks and gardens
into lairs of bandits and realms of the Fae.
Yes the cobbled pavements and steps led down
from the shops and the sunlight, the things of the day,
into dark lairs of bandits and realms of the Fae,
where the mind of a seven-year-old loved to stray.
There were shops and sunlight and things of the day
included in the planning, regardless of pay.
But my seven-year-old mind also loved to stray
wherever it was taken involuntarily.
Nearly 10 years later, I'm offering this to Poetry Forms – The Pantoum at dVerse. I notice it doesn't follow the rhyme scheme suggested there, and various sources seem to indicate that it doesn't always have to; there are various ways of writing a pantoum, so long as the pattern holds of the second and fourth lines of one verse becoming first and third of the next. In this case, I see I put a lot of variation into my repeated lines.
I remember being proud of this when I wrote it, and also unsure whether people would understand or credit that this was my hobby when I was seven. (It was, I promise. I then liked to imagine people for the town, and stories about them.)
I really like the way you descend into your final rhyme pattern here with a sort of whimsical skip. It has a really nice tone.
ReplyDeleteYou're very prolific on the poetry front at the moment: I'm enjoying reading!
oooh, pantoumacious. man. that's a hard form and you did it well. good match with subject and tone.
ReplyDeleteI have done 4 or 5 failed attempts myself to get nada.
Thanks Pearl. Not my first attempt either.
ReplyDeleteBut you should see what my MySpace friend Odilia does with it!
not a perfect pantoum to form but your thoughts were very contained and expressive, i like how you altered the words slightly yet kept to the theme of your hobby and passion. it is more of a free verse with interlocking quatrains. the pantoum has a melody without meter, maybe in your next that could be the focus. a lovely visit to an old and loved poem. nice rosemary!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the guidance.
DeleteActually, I enjoyed your unique take on this form. For the dVerse book, perhaps this could be an example of a modern less traditional example of the form. Regardless, I had a good time reading it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Glenn. That's a very nice suggestion, and I would like to be able to claim it as a variation on the form, at least. But I do also intend to try something nearer to what's required.
DeleteRosemary, I'm hoping you ended up following your love in a career path? Sounds like you had the desire and the aptitude! I enjoyed your poem and thinking of a 7 year old planning a city!
ReplyDeleteHa ha, not so much a city as a (very) small town. I did follow my love in a career path – I became a writer. It was more an exercise of the imagination than a practical consideration of a population's needs. Interestingly enough, I love small towns even now, and have chosen to live in one for the last 25 years.
DeleteNice lines: "into dark lairs of bandits and realms of the Fae,
ReplyDeletewhere the mind of a seven-year-old loved to stray." There is room for mystery there.
This line:
ReplyDelete"The shape of life needs all those dimensions."
What a wonderful story you tell within the poem itself and your explanation. A 7-year old putting her utopian place onto paper....and the creatvity has definitely stayed with you! :) I enjoyed this very much.
Line variations flowed...poetic license always appreciated! :)
Not only was this wonderfully written, but such a fascinating perspective revealed about you Rosemary. Extremely engaging, full of wonderful visuals!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the poem, though it doesn't really follow the pantoum form. I particularly like the second to the last quatrain. My daughters were (are) very imaginative, and I could see them constructing a town. Actually, they kind of did--the people and some of the places. I think the town was called Peach Pit. :)
ReplyDeleteI would LOVE a seven year old town planner - for then the magical places would be protected!
ReplyDeleteI like unrhymed pantoums, and also varying line lengths. It's the repetition and circle that make the form I think. An insightful look at imagination! (K)
ReplyDeleteThis is musical and whimsical (except it must have been serious when you were seven). When I was a kid, my friends and I made our own board game. What fun!
ReplyDeleteLike the way you have played with the form....this bobs, weaves and twists!
ReplyDeleteThis is so different in topic and form, Rosemary, and I like the thought of creating a kind environment for people - good places to live and work and play. It’s longer than the others I’ve read so far. I’m sorry for the delay in commenting, but I’ve been off radar for a while.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a wonderful example of a Pantoum and takes us right inside your 7 year old mind. And what a mind! Town planning with such imagination. Much needed today and I wonder if this ever became more than a hobby!
ReplyDeleteYou weave the form so well too and it makes it very memorable.