I ... entered the poem of life, whose purpose is ... simply to witness the beauties of the world,
to discover the many forms that love can take. (Barabara Blackman in 'Glass After Glass')

These poems are works in progress and may be updated without notice. Nevertheless copyright applies to all writings here and all photos (which are either my own or used with permission). Thank you for your comments. I read and appreciate them all, and reply here to specific points that seem to need it — or as I have the leisure. Otherwise I reciprocate by reading and commenting on your blog posts as much as possible.

23 January 2015

Wet Mornings

Sat outside
first thing in the morning
to begin his dying

... heavy-lidded
shift in chair with pain
slip into semi-sleep ...

Random-seeming
dreamlike thoughts
faded out of full memory.

I look back.
All happened.
Meanwhile rain.

Submitted for dVerse Meeting the Bar: Breaking and Entering. We are asked to take a form and 'break' it in some way to make it our own. Synchronicity: I saw this prompt just after writing the above — which is a blackout poem done differently. Instead of taking a text and blacking out / erasing all except the words I wanted to use, I opened a document on my computer (an entry from my private journal) and lifted only the words I wanted on to a new document — where I proceeded to delete a few more before arranging into verses (still in order of writing) and re-punctuating (or for the most part unpunctuating). I did it just because I like playing around with erasures at present. I didn't have a conscious idea of anything I wanted to say, and what emerged was nothing like the message of the journal entry. Also it's not exactly factual, but on an emotional level it's probably very truthful. There — that's a long explanation for a short poem!

42 comments:

  1. It felt comfortably a "found" poem, but it holds together well, & it can be hard to find cohesion in random words & phrases. When I do blackout poetry, I search for the words, phrases, that lend some cohesion, make some kind of sense; birds of a poetic feather, I guess.

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    1. With this one, as well as some cohesion, I looked for words that weren't too mundane and prosey. In a three -page journal entry, as you see there weren't many!

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  2. meanwhile rain. that one detail of the surroundings kinda jumps out and adds an emotive element in my opinion....sitting to begin dying...whew...knowing it is coming, waiting on it...preparing for the process..there is some interesting forethought in that....interesting methodology as well rosemary.

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  3. a beautiful poem lifted from a journal entry, and still it remains true to you...

    Like Glenn said, this def hold together well.
    I especially liked the 2nd stanza

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  4. If I read this correctly, Rosemary, I am feeling the sadness in this.. The first stanza and the beginning of dying. Yes, one knows this in looking back, doesn't one? And looking back, thinking about all that happened....and yes, the rain. Powerful writing, Rosemary.

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    1. You always understand these things correctly, Mary!

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  5. To begin his dying...that line caught me right away ~ There is sadness in the recollections & rain, I love the use of the metaphor ~

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  6. oh heck.. lots of emotions in this... not easy to digest this poem and the rain adds an additional emotional element

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  7. It has a simplicity and an Asian quality to it - very minimalist yet also imagistic. Lovely!

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  8. I'm liking the process of the blackout poems very much...it's almost like finding the tiny pictures in the big picture - in the Jack and Jill magazine. So much is hidden..one just has to find the right words ;)

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  9. This is a lovely interpretation of the prompt and a wonderful twist on erasure poetry. It is so moving. And, in the cool way that the world works, I am up late listening to the rain fall on my roof. I like the last line anyway, but I can feel it more right now. Just beautiful.

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  10. Isn't it the case that 'found' poetry often expresses something about our subconscious much better than we could do it ourselves? A melancholy poem which fits in very well with the season and my present mood. I love it.

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    1. I think you're absolutely right about that tapping into the subconscious. I'm glad you love it. (Smile.) Our season here is actually a hot, though very wet, summer, lol.

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  11. A short poem, perhaps, but with a strong emotional impact. But then, you always write well, Rosemary.

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  12. As I get older my thoughts often turn to death...thinking of the ones ahead of me (parents and in laws) and my own, hopefully years away. Still, the awareness does call the past into view and the review of all that happened. Nicely done, Rosemary

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  13. Found and remixing text is my favourite form of poetry. There's so much in a word to inspire. Really lovely piece, Rosemary.

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  14. I like erasure poems as well. The simplicity and brevity heightens the sadness. I don't believe it could be captured as successfully in any other form.

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  15. Ha..I have done similar recently cutting and remixing.. by inspiration from Misky I have used pages from Bleak House, but my own emails would be a great input too.

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    1. I think my emails would be too short! It takes me a lot of words from which to extract a meaningful few.

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  16. This is a very emotional poem, Rosemary. I like how it feels as raw as emotions themselves.

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  17. A serendipity poem: considering the almost random nature of the method, your poem nevertheless tells a story.

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    1. I think it is as Marina Sofia suggests, above: the subconscious becomes involved in the choice and arrangement of words.

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  18. So evocative, Rosemary. You've created such a mood--I like what you did with the erasure, too.

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  19. It seems to have worked out in your favor because this poem sounds like a good tribute to someone who has passed away.

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    1. My late husband is never far from my consciousness.

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  20. You have distilled a lot into this. Beautifully done, and I too think the detail of the rain in the final line adds so much.

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  21. Good poem for the wet weather here in my neck of the woods. Peace, Linda

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  22. I, too, was struck by the opening lines and situation....great impact! And love the surprise element of the rain at the close.

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  23. This is just fantastic, Rosemary--a new favorite. As MZ says, very powerful. Thanks. Hope all well. k.

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    1. Thanks, Karin. I'm delighted it moved you so. All is well; I am quite good at being th observer of my own journey, having the feelings but not letting them have me.

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  24. the final line - Meanwhile rain - a poem unto itself - enjoyed the explanation of the sorting out to find the poem you were meant to write - wonderful

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    1. A good way of looking at it! (Both observations.) Thank you.

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  25. I wish I hadn't missed the black out poem, this has a great 'found' feel I really like. Nicely done.

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    1. You could still do the prompt, Mystic_Mom, here: http://dversepoets.com/2015/01/08/black-it-out-meeting-the-bar/
      and post to Open Link Night.

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  26. Replies
    1. Ha ha ha! 'Sat outside' is an amazing opening line? Dear Amelia, I accuse you of being a robot.

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    roses are red,
    the sky is blue,
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    so are you….


    Hope to see all of you stand out like twitting birds.
    February 25, 2015

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    1. But perhaps a useful robot — though not to me, as I can't commit my time so regularly.

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