I ... entered the poem of life, whose purpose is ... simply to witness the beauties of the world, to discover the many forms that love can take. (Barabara Blackman in 'Glass After Glass')

These poems are works in progress and may be updated without notice. Nevertheless copyright applies to all writings here and all photos (which are either my own or used with permission). Thank you for your comments. I read and appreciate them all, and reply here to specific points that seem to need it — or as I have the leisure. Otherwise I reciprocate by reading and commenting on your blog posts as much as possible.

9 September 2016

Walking Around Town

burly boys
jitter and fidget  –
testosterone 

old man totters
hurrying to the bench 
almost falls

she stops to rest
drinks from her thermos 
lightens the load

strong smell
outside the library –
smoker

rain starts in big splashy drops 
small mosquitos come inside


Another haiku sonnet – or senryu sonnet – for Poetic Asides.

Also linking to Poets United's Poetry Pantry #320, and to the 2019 dVerse Sonnet Challenge.

This one was placed in the Top 10 for the Poetic Asides challenge, which not only delighted but surprised me, as it is more senryu than haiku. 

I loved the opportunity to combine two classic forms into something new, yet still recognisably true to both.


26 comments:

  1. I had that walk just yesterday! It was I who lightened my load. Love these little moments, leading to humor in the final one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (Actually it was me, too! But I wanted to keep th poem in third person.)

      Delete
  2. For some reason, this took me back to high school, some 46 years ago

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You must have been one of those boys in the first verse!

      Delete
  3. the library one seems universal :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love he little mosquitos coming inside!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can picture them, Rosemary. You bring them to life. I feel pity for the old man.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Paints a picture of society reflecting every day events.

    ReplyDelete
  7. lightens the load.., like that!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You paint such a wonderful picture with your words, Rosemary 💖

    ReplyDelete
  9. How easy it is to see such scenes we can see all around us everyday. Observers poeticus is our species!

    ReplyDelete
  10. marvellous microcosm of observations Rosemary- those mosquitoes hate the rain and love the smell of blood

    ReplyDelete
  11. Stories like droplets - each one gathered in that thermos perhaps.. and gently swallowed down..

    ReplyDelete
  12. interesting form. and all the 5 delightful haiku can each stand alone in its own right. not that smoking is delightful of course, but it's good to see someone breaking the rules once a while. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think that we are just observant we can capture these images, each and every one a life, a story of itself.. maybe the only thing connecting them is that walk we are walking.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh how i'm loving these haiku sonnets, I must must try it. Happy Sunday Rosemary

    much love...

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is fun--I love the feel of it--an exploration in the moment

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ah, it's wonderful to find the sense in every moment, how thoughtful of you...and enjoy it! At the end of the day - doesn't matter who's inside: one or one with mosquito...

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is brilliant! I really struggle with haiku and tanka sequences. This one is wonderful sketched and flows beautifully.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You can capture a lot in a walk.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Little snapshots of life beautifully depicted.

    ReplyDelete
  20. she stops to rest
    drinks from her thermos
    lightens the load

    A wonderful haiku sonnet Rosemary! Led by the hand to savor the day's wonders!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh, those pesky mosquitoes! Keep them outside, please! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I like how drinking from the thermos lightens the load.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Again I read this very innovative form... and it's so fun to realize I would say the same thing once again.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated and will be visible after being approved by the blog owner. If you can only comment anonymously, please include your name in the comment, just so I know who's talking to me.