A shimmer, white
against the pane,
at the edge of sight …
Might
it come again,
shimmering, white?
Faint, not bright:
drifting rain
at the edge of sight
dims the light
to a mere stain,
a shimmer of white
pale on the night –
a hidden pain
past the edge of sight.
I seek to deny it,
refuse to entertain
that shimmer of white,
at the edge of sight.
at the edge of sight.
April Poetry Month, day 5. Tuesday Platform at 'imaginary garden with real toads': any topic, with the option (which I took) of writing a villanelle.
The topic is inspired by the latest quadrille prompt at dVerse, to use the word 'shimmer', But I couldn't fit my villanelle into a quadrille, no matter how economical with words I tried to be.
Also submitted (three years later) to dVerse Forms for All – the Villanelle, in the hope that it may still be eligible.
The topic is inspired by the latest quadrille prompt at dVerse, to use the word 'shimmer', But I couldn't fit my villanelle into a quadrille, no matter how economical with words I tried to be.
Also submitted (three years later) to dVerse Forms for All – the Villanelle, in the hope that it may still be eligible.
I love the mystical feel of this entire piece :D
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written.
Lots of love,
Sanaa
that shimmer of white,
ReplyDeleteat the edge of sight"... gives me goosebumps.
wonderful Villanelle
DeleteI was captivated by your terse lines and tight imagery. How well you brought it all together at the end.
ReplyDeleteThis is so well done! Beautiful, Rosemary.
ReplyDeleteI've seen that ghost before!
ReplyDeleteI can see the shimmer... Great imagery, Rosemary. I love that the poem made me look and look for "that shimmer of white".
ReplyDeleteThe poem is beautiful. But, practical me, I worry if you have seen the eye doctor recently. I worry. (I get arcing orbs and peripheral lights). I am rather hoping the shimmering thing is a ghost, instead of an ocular event.
ReplyDeleteNo no, it's entirely imaginary. :)
DeleteLovely imagery, I enjoyed this so much.
ReplyDeleteLove it, Rosemary. The flight attendant thought I was crazy when I borrowed her back window to take a picture of the International Date Line as we crossed. It was pitch dark outside.
ReplyDelete..
How I love that you did that!
DeleteO I love this way of doing a Villanelle.... maybe it's 44 words as well...?
ReplyDeleteI did start off trying to make it 44 words, but I just couldn't get a coherent poem and also have a villanelle. With so many other things to do in April, I'll skip this week's quadrille. There'll be others.
DeleteBut yes, that's where the shimmer came from.
DeleteIntriguing, that shimmer of white. I like poems that make me think.
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful. I like it very much.
ReplyDeleteReally lovely--I am not used to Villanelles with the short lines. You make it work; vivid and musical. k.
ReplyDeletebut a valiant attempt nonetheless ~
ReplyDeleteThe repetitive use of 'shimmer' adds a distinct, sparkling thread throughout the poem. It becomes a symbol of hope in this subtle progress from light to pain.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, lovely.
ReplyDeleteedge of night... that is so pretty and evocotive
ReplyDeleteOh dear I wonder what the shimmer of white is. Intriguing. I love the style.
ReplyDeleteI liked the generally two accented syllables per line. I will have to try this shorter line sometime. The description of the shimmering white barely seen makes me wonder what it is through the first five stanzas especially when I hear in the fifth it might be a "hidden pain". The switch in the sixth stanza to trying to deny it makes me sense it is unwelcome but real enough to be the subject of a poem. Very nice villanelle!
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderful revisit... love the short lines in a Villanelle.
ReplyDeleteI like the mystery of this poem it sent my imagination in a few different directions considering what that shimmer of white might be!
ReplyDeleteMysterious, indeed. Love it! I also enjoyed the shorter lines of your villanelle.
ReplyDeleteLove these lines most:
ReplyDelete"dims the light
to a mere stain,
a shimmer of white
pale on the night –
a hidden pain
past the edge of sight."
You've done well by the form!
I had a bit of a panic about the quadrille word being "shimmer" - but then I realised this is an old one. I like it. There's something slightly disconcerting about that shimmer of white, and I like the short lines - much shorter than I've seen in villanelles before. They are usually quite lyrical, but this is much more staccato. I think it works well.
ReplyDelete