Home Alone

(Now he must go into care)

Suddenly —

now —

I live alone

as of shortly after lunch today

though I didn’t know it then.

Another fall

and he’s back in hospital

after one night and a morning

here with me.

I was with him,

helped him collapse

gradually to the ground

and so, no injury

this time. (Nor the last.)

Twice in three days

is too much —

the buckling of legs

that just stop working.

No loss of consciousness, just

inability to stand.

Sudden. Total. What if

I had not been there?

And I can’t lift him.

All I could do

was put a pillow under his head

and call the ambulance

again.

While he was away

yesterday and the day before

I shifted furniture

to make the place safer:

things he could grab and hold,

strong enough to support him.

I guess it was just as well.

He used one to lean on

while I helped him down

slowly to the floor.

I put clean sheets on the bed.

His last night home

was comfortable.

I bought some more Zero Coke

because he likes it.

But he didn’t even have

one glass last night.

He was so tired,

and went to bed early.

‘So nice,’ he said this morning,

‘To be in my own bed

in my own home.’

But lately it’s been hard for him,

I know.

So much weakness, 

so much pain.

So much more I wanted to do here

to make this place

beautiful, and kind to him.

Now, how empty

such improvements seem

for me alone.

April PAD Challenge #19: A life event.