I ... entered the poem of life, whose purpose is ... simply to witness the beauties of the world,
to discover the many forms that love can take. (Barabara Blackman in 'Glass After Glass')

These poems are works in progress and may be updated without notice. Nevertheless copyright applies to all writings here and all photos (which are either my own or used with permission). Thank you for your comments. I read and appreciate them all, and reply here to specific points that seem to need it — or as I have the leisure. Otherwise I reciprocate by reading and commenting on your blog posts as much as possible.

28 August 2014

Translitics

A dVerse exercise in homophonic translations, aka translitics, where you translate as best you can the sounds of an unknown language into words of your own.  Although I have done this kind of thing before with results that pleased me, I found this one very testing. 

Original:

Ne-om aminti cândva târziu
de-aceasta întâmplare simpla,
de-aceasta banca unde stam
tâmpla fierbinte lânga tâmpla.

De pe stamine de alun,
din plopii albi, se cerne jarul.
Orice-nceput se vrea fecund,
risipei se deda Florarul.

Polenul cade peste noi,
în preajma galbene troiene
alcatuieste-n aur fin.
Pe umeri cade-ne si-n gene.

Ne cade-n gura când vorbim,
si-n ochi, când nu gasim cuvântul.
Si nu stim ce pareri de rau
ne tulbura, piezis, avântul.

Ne-om aminti cândva târziu
de-aceasta întâmplare simpla,
de-aceasta banca unde stam
tâmpla fierbinte lânga tâmpla.

Visând, întrezarim prin doruri -
latente-n pulberi aurii –
paduri ce ar putea sa fie
si niciodatã nu vor fi.

I had two tries.

Translitic 1: 
(seemed to work better without line-breaks, as a kind of prose-poem) 

Nay, I'm — am! — into "can-do" of a tears-you day, a ceased (ah, in temple are simpler) day, a ceased,  a bank, a (understand, temple) a fire-burnt, a longer (temple, ah!)

deep, a stamina day, alone. Din! Plop! I'll alibi. Sea cure in a jar, you'll, or ice in sea put. Sea very fecund, rise. I pay, sea-dead; a fire are you.

Pole, newel, caddy. Peace! (Tea? No.) I in prayer edge. My gal been a Troy in a all-cat you, lest — eh? — an orphan. Pay America Day, nay sigh in genie.

Naked, e'en guru can dive or be. I'm sighing. Oh gee, canned new gas. I'm cue have, and you sigh new as time seep, are a ride, a row, natal bureau. Please is eventual / a vain tool.

Nay, I'm aiming the candy vat (ah!) as you. Day a cease taint, ample ate simpler, dear cease to ban Kay, understand, ample fire been too long at temple: a

vice and in treasure I'm pry in door, you are I, latent, in pool bury our ill — paid. You are I, see, are putty, as if I is in sea, oh data new have, or fee. 

I'm amused that it came out rather like one of those abstract word-association poems which I am not really into!

Translitic 2:

Nay! O Mam, in’t I can’t have a tear? Is you
de ancestor in temple, a simpler
day, a sistah (ban) say? Understand,
temple fire burnt. A longer temple, ah!

Deep, a stamina day, alone.
Din, plop! Pill. Alibi. Seek, earn; edge or all.
Or ice in seep at sea, very fecund.
Rice I pay, see deed. A flower, annual.

Pole in awl caddy, pest. Eh no, I
in pre-aim, a gal been Trojan eh?
All cat — you, I, is it? — in our fine.
Pay you, me, or I. Caddy? Nay, is I in genie.

Nay caddy, an’ guru can do for be I’m
sighin’, och! I can do new. Gas! I’m curve an’ tall.
See, new. Is it I’m see Pa? Or I de raw
new? Too ill, burrow. Please, is eventual? 

Nay, Oma, mine, tea-canned avatar, as you
de ancestor in temple are simpler,
dear cease to bank a under-steam
temple fire-bin too long at, ampler.

Vice; and in treasure I’m pray and do run —
late in tea and pool bury — or I, I 
paid you. Are I see or put here safe? I
sigh, Nice I, oh daughter, new for if eye.

I can see a story in this weird pidgin or Creole I came up with. I'd like to tease it out later. In fact I'd like to develop both of these into new poems, using the above as foundations only — but pushed for time just now.

For an older and completed example, see next post.



8 comments:

  1. haha...both have their merits...but the second one makes me think of a quirky conversation, maybe with myself...err...ha...smiles...

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  2. I love them - lots of new and fun - laden phrases.. I think we only had alibi in common :-)

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  3. Veeeery interesting - and I know that these free word associations can seem silly and non-meaningful initially, and can make us uncomfortable, but I'm encouraged by the fact that you want to continue working on them. I do see very good seeds of poems in both of them. Thanks for attempting them, Rosemary!

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  4. I'm intrigued by the free-floating feel of both, Rosemary--I agree with Marina Sofia, there's potential for further development here.

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  5. Oh, I love both fragments! See the words I used too...but late to participate... :)

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  6. Such imagination and raw material to work with...look forward to reading what you put together.

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  7. You are so patient to do this word by word translation ~ It turned out a fun exercise for me ~

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