Will you not come,
lonely and broken,
to drink from my eyes
the love you are craving,
to receive from my hands
a softness like flowers?
I thought you would. I thought
I could touch you, gaze on you,
give you enfolding,
a caress like sleep
or the fragrance of roses
inhaled gently.
But then you let me see
the hard light of your stare,
let me hear the cold
in your careless laugh.
The mask fallen can't be replaced.
It is I who am broken, lonely.
(Not directly autobiographical. An experiment in style as much as anything else.)
Linked to Poets United's Poetry Pantry #369
(Not directly autobiographical. An experiment in style as much as anything else.)
Linked to Poets United's Poetry Pantry #369
Much enjoyed, thank you Rosemary. The form gives the poem a strong (heart)beat and makes me want to read it again.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughtful comment.
DeleteI've seen this. Such a(N) _______ awakening. (who knows the words)
ReplyDeleteIt's an experiment that went very well!
ReplyDeleteI like this poem. However, it makes me think as well that a relationship with a 'lonely and broken' (needy) person - though it may seem like a good thing initially - would never really be a positive thing. Perhaps it is good that the "hard light" of the "stare" was seen & the relationship went no further. Perhaps "lonely" is preferable. In any case, Rosemary, though the poem is not autobiographical, it is one that makes the reader FEEL.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. It grew partly out of a conversation about such relationships.
DeleteIf not autobiographical it still reads from the heart
ReplyDeleteWhile not specifically autobiographical, I have known disillusionment in people from time to time.
DeleteI like this. The experiment works. It also draws us into that subject matter delicately. The mask. Who doesn't wear one? How do we responded when it drops.Well penned and thought provoking.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to experiment in many ways. One gets more adept at it to eventually gain more insights!
ReplyDeleteHank
You have captured 'that moment' extremely well. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou have captured well the hidden facets of a toxic relationship. Sigh.."But then you let me see the hard light of your stare, let me hear the cold in your careless laugh.
ReplyDeleteThe mask fallen can't be replaced" I know this story much too well. Powerfully written.
A fine read, the ultimate line certainly resonates.
ReplyDeleteA mask fallen can't be replaced.. so true, we cannot unsee what we have seen!
ReplyDeleteHow many of us have gone through the same scenario in real life, how good as poets we can gain something from such a relationship by writing about it so it is not all bad.
ReplyDeleteVery apt.....when authentic love is offered toone unable to receive or honour the gift. I have been there, so this poem resonates. You truly captured it, Rosemary.
ReplyDeleteThis speaks to me, as one person's need might not always match the other person's need. Maybe many love stories end in just not communicating enough
ReplyDeleteAn intriguing poem, Rosemary. Truly, sometimes our love and trust freely given is rebuffed and we are the ones left in need.
ReplyDeleteI'm in love with the first stanza, especially the first 3 lines. They make the heartbreak at the end worth suffering.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to see where a Magaly poem would go from those first three lines!
DeleteI think your experiment worked, as i started reading, im telling myself, there is some deliberate form involved though i don't it. But i enjoyed the offering, the contemplation and the retrospect.
ReplyDeleteMuch love...
Not really a form, except insofar as I like to make verses the same length even in (otherwise) free verse. More that I was adopting a different style of writing from my usual, more lyrical and highly-coloured.
DeleteThis is painful but beautiful to read.
ReplyDeleteThis was so beautiful and delicate created that the heartbreak at the end seemed all the more poignant.
ReplyDeleteI think your experiment worked well. Although I thought of Selene while reading this!
ReplyDeleteOh no, lol, she is not as bad as this!
DeleteI feel it ...your experiment well done!
ReplyDeleteAh yes - that point at which the mask slips, and someone that you held in high regard, reveals that they are not what you believed them to be. Always a chilling fork in the road of a relationship. An awesome job on this one!
ReplyDeleteThe search for an authentic soul. Well done, Rosemary.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! It seemed to come as a whisper.
ReplyDeleteIt is I who am broken, lonely.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is beautiful, but this last line I could relate to not so long back.
I'm sorry to hear that!
DeleteSuch openness leads to a larger all. You truly capture the line where we brake/break.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's not such a bad idea to let our masks fall...
ReplyDelete