burly boys
jitter and fidget –
jitter and fidget –
testosterone
old man totters
hurrying to the bench
almost falls
she stops to rest
drinks from her thermos
lightens the load
strong smell
outside the library –
smoker
rain starts in big splashy drops
small mosquitos come inside
Another haiku sonnet – or senryu sonnet – for Poetic Asides.
Also linking to Poets United's Poetry Pantry #320, and to the 2019 dVerse Sonnet Challenge.
This one was placed in the Top 10 for the Poetic Asides challenge, which not only delighted but surprised me, as it is more senryu than haiku.
I loved the opportunity to combine two classic forms into something new, yet still recognisably true to both.
Also linking to Poets United's Poetry Pantry #320, and to the 2019 dVerse Sonnet Challenge.
This one was placed in the Top 10 for the Poetic Asides challenge, which not only delighted but surprised me, as it is more senryu than haiku.
I loved the opportunity to combine two classic forms into something new, yet still recognisably true to both.
I had that walk just yesterday! It was I who lightened my load. Love these little moments, leading to humor in the final one.
ReplyDelete(Actually it was me, too! But I wanted to keep th poem in third person.)
DeleteFor some reason, this took me back to high school, some 46 years ago
ReplyDeleteYou must have been one of those boys in the first verse!
Deletethe library one seems universal :)
ReplyDeleteI love he little mosquitos coming inside!
ReplyDeleteI can picture them, Rosemary. You bring them to life. I feel pity for the old man.
ReplyDeleteSo did I!
DeletePaints a picture of society reflecting every day events.
ReplyDeletelightens the load.., like that!!
ReplyDeleteYou paint such a wonderful picture with your words, Rosemary 💖
ReplyDeleteHow easy it is to see such scenes we can see all around us everyday. Observers poeticus is our species!
ReplyDeletemarvellous microcosm of observations Rosemary- those mosquitoes hate the rain and love the smell of blood
ReplyDeleteStories like droplets - each one gathered in that thermos perhaps.. and gently swallowed down..
ReplyDeleteinteresting form. and all the 5 delightful haiku can each stand alone in its own right. not that smoking is delightful of course, but it's good to see someone breaking the rules once a while. :)
ReplyDeleteI think that we are just observant we can capture these images, each and every one a life, a story of itself.. maybe the only thing connecting them is that walk we are walking.
ReplyDeleteOh how i'm loving these haiku sonnets, I must must try it. Happy Sunday Rosemary
ReplyDeletemuch love...
This is fun--I love the feel of it--an exploration in the moment
ReplyDeleteAh, it's wonderful to find the sense in every moment, how thoughtful of you...and enjoy it! At the end of the day - doesn't matter who's inside: one or one with mosquito...
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant! I really struggle with haiku and tanka sequences. This one is wonderful sketched and flows beautifully.
ReplyDeleteYou can capture a lot in a walk.
ReplyDeleteLittle snapshots of life beautifully depicted.
ReplyDeleteshe stops to rest
ReplyDeletedrinks from her thermos
lightens the load
A wonderful haiku sonnet Rosemary! Led by the hand to savor the day's wonders!
Hank
Oh, those pesky mosquitoes! Keep them outside, please! ;)
ReplyDeleteI like how drinking from the thermos lightens the load.
ReplyDeleteAgain I read this very innovative form... and it's so fun to realize I would say the same thing once again.
ReplyDelete