His high cheekbones, intense eyes, full lips –
can’t look past the man (painted
by a Nigerian) with long locks.
I’m shown an internet page of primitive.
Art, my sweet cat,
savagely chases a lizard.
savagely chases a lizard.
Today, in calm early Spring,
my man’s been gone –
it’s four years yesterday
of thwarted passion.
(I’ve been reading a novel.)
A second poem written for the current Flash 55 PLUS! at 'imaginary garden with real tioads'. (If the words seem familar, they could be.)
This is awesome. I really like your first stanza and your line breaks.
ReplyDeleteHurrah for a second spin at your awesome lines.. hard to tell, but I think I like this one even better.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kerry.. a wonderful rework..
ReplyDeleteI like them both, Rosemary but I do prefer the first one I think. I like the order of the sentences better. Regardless, they both are great
ReplyDeleteVery familiar, Rosemary. I like both versions. The first was an excellent blow by blow accounting of the events leading up to the 'desire' release. The second one told of the desire and then showed how it developed. First gets my vote, slim margin.
ReplyDelete..
The second one also changes the meaning in a few places, e.g. my cat is not actually named Art, lol. Hence the title.
DeleteOne is led by wonderful memories that gets rekindled upon reading novels of different titles. Great feelings in just so many words, Rosemary!
ReplyDeleteHank
I think I prefer this one, Rosemary...........smiled at the four years of thwarted passion.
ReplyDeleteHa. I actually think I prefer the first - there's something more candid and straightforward about it, and a bit of a surprise. k.
ReplyDelete