Since You Left

Life goes on, and that's the trouble. 

You never saw the four new pictures on the wall,

the ones I love the most. You never met

all the new friends I've made these last 18 months,

and the new next-door neighbour. I know

you could not have imagined the various new

directions I'd take, the old I would abandon.

You must have thought I'd stay

right where you left me — but stuff keeps happening, 

and even the cats have made their adjustments.

We have different routines now, becoming habits,

new, unexpected ways of doing our lives.

Who ever thought I'd be so independent?

You, perhaps — stepping back and allowing for it.

You told me I could do it, and I do.

You, my greatest cheer-leader, had no doubt.

But me, I seldom thought beyond your end.

It was getting us both through those hard days

that occupied me then. I forgot

that laughter could come again, and books

I'd love to read, and new poems.

And it's all good, as they say. Except when it's not.

I have so much abundant love in my life,

I should be ashamed of ever complaining. And yet

you are not here and never will be again in this life.

Don't tell me you're still with me in spirit! I know,

but it isn't the same. It's ordinary you I want to talk to

about the cats and pictures and books; that you I want to hug.

Since you left, I do this crazy thing.

I talk to you in my head. When I'm alone, I do it

out loud, and the cats understand, or at least don't question.

But it's you who have stayed where you were

when we said goodbye. You do not accompany me

on the rest of this journey; I'm going it alone.

And it sucks, do you hear me? It fucking sucks!

April PAD Challenge 2014, day 4: "Since —" (and fill in the blank).