I ... entered the poem of life, whose purpose is ... simply to witness the beauties of the world, to discover the many forms that love can take. (Barabara Blackman in 'Glass After Glass')

These poems are works in progress and may be updated without notice. Nevertheless copyright applies to all writings here and all photos (which are either my own or used with permission). Thank you for your comments. I read and appreciate them all, and reply here to specific points that seem to need it — or as I have the leisure. Otherwise I reciprocate by reading and commenting on your blog posts as much as possible.

29 October 2011

Streams of Consciousness

high above ocean 
on this piece of the hill
this peaceful hill

always had to
sit up straighter
speak when spoken

the little girls playing
across the road
laugh together

she had a language
of private gestures
quick faces made

in the yard opposite
swings and guinea-pigs
crowd 

cross your legs
at the ankles
don’t laugh out loud

expansive sunlight fills
the wide circle
of the cul-de-sac

that’s dangerous
unladylike
don’t be silly

Amanda yells to her kids
her smile is wide
her stance open

grown awkward
I returned home 
less and less often

at night I gaze
from my vantage
the street rests unafraid



For a dVerse exercise on conflation: expanding one poem with another which is unrelated. I chose to weave my two threads in and out of each other. I’m not sure it’s a true conflation; it could be said that there’s a relationship of contrast. And of course the title is slightly ironic; this is not a 'stream of consciousness' poem in the usual sense.
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14 comments:

  1. ✿29 October 2011 at 11:28

    I love this: "she had a language
    of private gestures"

    arbitrarymeaning.blogspot.com

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  2. emmett wheatfall29 October 2011 at 13:21

    Yes, you did it. I read where they are in your poem. And, what a dandy of a poem it is. A very nice write.

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  3. Brian Miller29 October 2011 at 13:26

    nice...i follow your threads through and definitely see the difference...living under constraint, even well intentioned, i feel you...nicely done...

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  4. Rosemary Nissen-Wade29 October 2011 at 14:41

    Thanks, guys. I'm so glad you feel it works. It's a technique I plan to use again, now that I've learned about it.

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  5. Anonymous29 October 2011 at 17:11

    "she had a language
    of private gestures
    quick faces made" loved it, and this one too
    "at night I gaze
    from my vantage
    the street rests unafraid"

    ~Mohana

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  6. Claudia29 October 2011 at 20:39

    very nice job rosemary - i think you did well

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  7. hyperCRYPTICal29 October 2011 at 23:03

    Certainly works Rosemary - very good.

    Anna :o]

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  8. Daydreamertoo30 October 2011 at 01:07

    Yes, I think you pulled it off too. The difference between being told what is 'ladylike' and being free (as an adult then) to do as one pleases.
    Very nice piece.

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  9. Anonymous30 October 2011 at 02:20

    It works for me... A lovely, thought-provoking piece of writing, great example of conflation.

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  10. Mystic_Mom30 October 2011 at 02:35

    Very nicely done, I really enjoyed this poem.

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  11. Anonymous30 October 2011 at 02:58

    Very well done--you took the prompt and made it your own. Lovely. K.

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  12. somewhereamelody30 October 2011 at 05:35

    The picture you paint with your words has colour and clarity.
    I love the simple stanza structure, it adds beautifully to the simplicity, and as you read the story slowly comes into sharp focus.
    Wonderful!

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  13. Mary30 October 2011 at 09:12

    Beautiful. I like "the street rests unafraid." Interesting to think about streets that DO have fear. There are probably many that do in this age.

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  14. Rosemary Nissen-Wade31 October 2011 at 02:14

    Thank you Mary. Yes, I think many people must sleep at least a little uneasily these days.

    ReplyDelete

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