I ... entered the poem of life, whose purpose is ... simply to witness the beauties of the world,
to discover the many forms that love can take. (Barabara Blackman in 'Glass After Glass')

This blog is not, 'Here are my very best poems'. It's for work in progress, subject to revision.
Posts may be updated without notice at any time. Completed work appears in my books.

7 October 2011

Friday 7 Oct. 2011

cold morning
woken too early
restless cats

my man wakes
demands the time
back to sleep

get up feed the cats
I’m awake
the cats are resting

#haiku #senryu lune#

Submitted for dVerse FormForAll prompt: Haiku and Senryu 
OK I snuck in a lune as well. I like lunes. And I should add for new readers that these days, like many contemporary haikuists, 
I favour short/long/short lines over 5/7/5.

22 comments:

  1. Yes, I used to have cats, rascals!

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  2. I especially like the senryu with its light jolting humor. The "man" in "demands" especially caught my attention.

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  3. Yes, wasn't that clever of me, Geoff? LOL it was accidental or maybe subconscious! But now that you've pointed it out, I'm glad it works that way. :)

    (What I was trying to do with that one was use 'time' as a pivot word.)

    Dear zongrik and chromapoesy, always gad to meet fellow cat-appreciators.

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  4. Colour me a crazy cat lady...(my hubby is presently keeping me from the throne...for now!) but your first one stole my heart. All are smart and sharp...but you knew that! ;) Much enjoyed my visit, and I humbly bow to a master of the form. (don't even try to deny it!)

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  5. Isn't that the way it always works? Clever and incredibly well crafted (in my humble opinion).

    Beth

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  6. Such a universal scene for cat owners-Very nicely done

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  7. my cat gets me up way too early...she runs across the pillows...i feel you in this...

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  8. Thank you everyone for the kind comments!

    Dear Natasha, what if I deny it obliquely? I could truthfully say I'm a perpetual student of the form. :)

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  9. this somehow spoke to me...it's 6 am here...i woke up at 5 (not by sth. nice and playful as a cat though...just by the alarm on my iphone...smiles) , it's cold and i didn't even have a coffee so far...been reading haikus...smiles...enjoyed yours rosemary

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  10. enjoyed the early morning cats poem...

    my share is here:
    http://everydayamazin.blogspot.com/2011/10/thoughts.html

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  11. Thanks for introducing me to the lune. Very playful here.
    Gene

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  12. I like that you have brought your experience and knowledge to this exposition of the form. I have been writing these a while, but have to admit I had not done an in depth study of the forms until now. The deeper one gets, the more one understands it's almost impossible to get a true haiku being outside that agrarian society with its own cultural and spiritual references. So we do what we do and what you did here--we make it personal, we write it concisely, and we try to let the images expand the understanding. Well done.

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  13. Very good, very true - but it's my dog! (:
    http://www.benjity.wordpress.com

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  14. Men and cats...both demand your time. Nice.

    http://janukulkarni.blogspot.com/

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  15. Whoo! sounds like a morning where I need 3 quick cups o Joe.

    sounds like only the cats gained from all of this...LOL

    thank you. just learned what a lune is.

    I have so much to learn and so little time!!

    thanks for posting.

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  16. I really appreciate you all having a look and taking time to comment. Dear Beachanny and tinkwellborn, we are all always learning, I think, especially with this deceptively simple yet very challenging form. Another hakuist (or hajin) has just suggested to me that in general only one break in syntax works better for haiku than the more fragmented two breaks as I have in these ... and I think he's right.

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  17. Your cats...my dogs! Gotta love it.

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  18. so cool if we could command time back to sleep...

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