'I thought I was being a good friend,' she said.
'I thought you would like it if I kept asking
all about your days.' (I would have liked it if
she had just let friendship grow at its own pace,
naturally, not trying to plan or force it.)
'It is just as I feared,' she says, 'You don't want to
tell me each detail of your life. I conclude that you like
other friends, older friends, better than me. I should be
used to it. I have this trouble from most women.
'I can't stand it,' she says. 'It's wearing me out.
We've come to an impasse and should leave it there.
Take care now,' she says, and signs it, 'Love and hugs.'
Submitted for Poets United's Verse First: Water Table (what wells up)
Rosemary, don't know whether to laugh or cry. I recently had a barrage of emails asking my advice... then radio silence. And yes, hugs and kisses and all that crap. What in the world was I thinking? That when people ask your advice, twenty times or so, they actually want it? Or that if they don't like the advice, the giver goes into the scrap heap? Wow, this really hit me. Clever, concise, and on the money. Amy
ReplyDelete'What in the world was I thinking?' Yes, this is very recent and I am still reeling. I guess there are some things we don't see coming, or we try to make allowances, tell ourselves we are imagining it and must be 'nicer', and then ... I hardly know whether to laugh or cry myself, but am settling for shrugging and moving on. Such experiences are unusual, though; it's probably good to remember that.
DeleteI think people have differenti ideas on how to 'grow' a friendship. This other person obviously had a different way than yours and wanted depth (perhaps) before you were ready.....not willing to take the time. Sad, as if she HAD been willing to let time do its thing perhaps in the end she might have had the friendship with you that she wanted to achieve WAY TOO FAST. I always think about The Little Prince. There are certain 'rites' that one must follow in friendship. A trust has to be developed slowly.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your understanding, Mary, and the excellent reminder of The Little Prince. I'm tempted to buy her a copy! But no, I think this is one 'friendship I'd best let die.
DeleteWe tell people who we are. I believe that's how Maya Angelou put it. The problem is we don't listen. Very telling the speaker says, "I thought you wanted" Why assume or wonder? Ask. Have we forgotten how to ask, to engage each other?
ReplyDeleteI learned the hard way that when people honestly want advice you can tell in their writing and their responses. When a reply is blatanly defensive, time to back up. I learned in my own well worth it, lengthy therapy to never share what I'm not ready to deal with. Trust me if I tell it, I've worked past my insecurity or arrogance or both. By the time it goes public, I'm good, baby. Really, I'm already okay with it.
Okay, off on a tangent. I hear you. That's what I really want to say.
I hear you too, LaTonya! Your 'tangent' is good advice I am glad to take!
DeleteSigh. Oh Rosemary, all I can say is "It's All Her Stuff". Can well imagine you reeling as the recipient of the barrage followed by the "love and hugs".
ReplyDeleteI did get sucked in for a while, ever more entangled in explanations and reassurances which somehow got turned back on me so I wondered if it was my stuff too. But I think the fact that she has these problems with 'most women' is the clue.
DeleteLoredana, I think that's it exactly! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYep..this one speaks about my event of the year..it makes one wonder about what friendship really means.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe what it means to different people!
DeleteFriendship needs time, it should be nurtured and grown carefully ... loved the story !!!
ReplyDelete