Rearranging
His Office After Eight Months: 2
Have are at come I
not.
Out street the right;
Here at was this door
in;
The the so gone and;
In door especially.
Everything morning
harder of and am for I.
Desk trees cars.
— night) closed his
long;
Will (never.
The notes the look
outside pouring.
All more.
Doubled window;
Papers cul-de-sac on
sun it play his boxes pretty.
It that essential;
Angles the;
Got table quiet
walking around the and slowly be;
… swivelling through
this until left power crowded not more summer.
Fear
Intention: 2
As home.
Away I gives.
Warm — it no and.
Into … desk sink body very I one it around;
Andrew well I and;
My down.
Causes between;
Long earth that finished as.
Body what flows I allow the (it beds done;
Not functional!.
Know? in then a the times now to lot.
Have this so your.
On red sleep the.
Into there.
As have see spent here I.
Function and;
Sun is.
It support rare a this into making even.
Beds crashed more apart into removed that
past (more) had that’s myself.
… the your loud two was to;
To with to in or as allow … of on so been
white.
Beds suits a that unwell if slight little;
Had the past chair.
Overnight) the day and stab head.
Day a find what of for.
Office beds… red;
Been any;
My this and him table body to settle had.
Ago clear to coming more the centre though.
I off kept body as;
Me wedged inviting the light in the snooze
just for andrew lying.
Light head and warm admit you;
The the the.
Day what relief is do real out nearly time
it.
On one your light am to place through —
nodding evidently through became he fell where it;
Earth the well.
Have as out.
Our and and.
Are minute.
… a crown;
Visitors as morning this that.
Whole I’ll they;
Light follow down a;
Intention into.
Ah by should is pleasant;
In need you spoke form;
Soft is essential and motion pang! space
Soft is essential and motion pang! space
These were created (or re-created!) from my first two attempts (see previous post) by using the online Dada poem generator. Many thanks, Aprille, for directing me there. I have to say, I love them much more than my first efforts. I am submitting these too for the dVerse prompt on Dada poems.
This is very similar to the results that I get when I perform the dada method. did you massage these in any way? Why do you like them better than your first effort? They do seem to return me to the primordial state of uttering a meaningful sentence. Almost as though language is stuttering words
ReplyDeleteCharles, I didn't further massage these in any way. Blogger (not the generator) for some reason made a verse break before the last line of the second poem, and I liked the effect so I kept it. That's the only difference from what the generator did. As you will see if you take a look at my previous post, the earlier efforts had more linear meaning despite being jumbled up. These have the playfulness that I think is true Dada, with not only a jumble of words but a new way of putting language together, which generates a new kind of meaning. Somehow they go deeper even though they are lighter!
DeleteWow! I think you really have embraced Dadaism,
ReplyDeleteYes, I love it! :)
Deleteha. very cool...and brave....paper culdesac of the sun is a very cool part in the first one...the the so gone too has a nice emotional touch in light of the title....i like the first one better...i think dada-ism works better on that size poem...its constrained enough that there is still something a bit to the words...cool second attempt...smiles.
ReplyDeleteThanks Brian. I think you're right about the size. I am now contemplating doing this with all those old drafts that I can't quite get working - but will make sure not to choose very long pieces ... or to cut them in half first, lol.
DeleteBoth of these are great Dada poems. I really liked " Papers cul-de-sac on sun it play his boxes pretty." Cool. -Mike
ReplyDeleteYes, there are some nice pieces of serendipity. :)
DeleteI thought there was a grammar hiccup until I read the notes! I re-read the poem again and this time it came off beautifully! Still disjointed but in a good way! And I attest to it! It was fun when I did mine! Nicely Rosemary!
ReplyDeleteHank
Glad you had fun, Hank.
Delete
ReplyDeleteThe machine does well, doesn't it?
And then adding some gloss makes the result seem to come out of a genuine living mind.
Well, sort of :-)
One could also take out the ;;;; and slightly rearrange the phrases.
In a way it is similar to the work of Jack the Dripper [Jackson Pollock] in art.
That's a good thought - I am rather keen on Pollock. (But his work is actually very crafted.)
DeleteYes, these sound more Dada-ish, but the feel of the originals remains. I love the stumbling of the second one here--it sounds like Old English in its repetition and surprising word order. Thank you for sharing all of your poems.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed them. It's fun to play. :)
Delete