There's only me.
The grapes rot
before I finish them.
There's only me.
I play music
without headphones.
There's only me.
Why do I wear
my prettiest sarongs?
2
There's only me.
The cats spread out more
on the bed.
There's only me.
It takes four days
to fill the washing machine.
There's only me.
But his voice in the passenger seat
still says, 'You're clear this side.'
There's only me.
I arrange the pillows
a different way.
There's only me.
I can eat all
the chocolate.
3
3
There's only me.
I can finish writing a poem
uninterrupted.
There's only me.
The morning news on TV
stays off.
There's only me.
In the top cupboard I find
his favourite soups.
There's only me
to give the cats
all their cuddles.
4
There's only me.
I come to a sad acceptance.
Then the real grief starts.
The repetition of there's only me was effective ~
ReplyDeleteThings are different when its only us and the pets...and then your last stanza on real grief, very powerful close ~
I find I frequently have occasion to remind myself that there's only me - with its various implications.
DeleteOh yes, I know, Rosemary. I love it that his voice still says "you're clear on this side"......am sure he is not far from you, kiddo. Does he come in dreams? I do hope so.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I rarely remember dreams. But I'm conscious of him when I'm awake.
DeleteThe washing machine line made me laugh out loud. What an apt encapsulation, wow. That was seriously good.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteFelt piece Rosemary...tough times you are going through. Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading. :)
DeleteTerribly sad and the sense of loss is palpable.
ReplyDeleteThe cats must be of some comfort. They are very sensitive creatures.
Yes, and they keep me grounded and functioning. But they miss him too, and I need to try and confort them as much as they do me. Really we all have to just live through it.
Deletesending love dear Rosemary...all in all what is it you are still grateful for? please visit my post and perhaps offer some thoughts for this years gratitude quilt...even in sadness, in grief, there are moments of gratitude, true gratitude that arise.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed. Shall do.
DeleteRosemary, I know exactly what you mean. You have expressed the recognition of the 'only me' so well. And yes, knowing it is a part of grief really does not lessen anything; but all one can do is walk on one step at a time. Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for supporting the Pantry! I was a bit late in sharing mine.
Ah yes, I'm sure you do know exactly. You're an inspiring example.
DeleteI find myself seeking your work Rosemary ... I, who have nothing to be low about, go there too easily - so like to read your writing (and a few others that seem to carry on regardless) and glean what it is that keeps some strong ... and some, not so much
ReplyDeleteSharon, what a lovely thing for me to be told! I try to do the Buddhist thing (not that I am Buddhist) of observing my own thoughts and emotions as well as experiencing them. I also meditate and journal as often as I can. Even though I manage all this not so very often, it does seem to help.
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