I ... entered the poem of life, whose purpose is ... simply to witness the beauties of the world, to discover the many forms that love can take. (Barabara Blackman in 'Glass After Glass')

These poems are works in progress and may be updated without notice. Nevertheless copyright applies to all writings here and all photos (which are either my own or used with permission). Thank you for your comments. I read and appreciate them all, and reply here to specific points that seem to need it — or as I have the leisure. Otherwise I reciprocate by reading and commenting on your blog posts as much as possible.

22 March 2016

Summer is Over

(A Dream of Zanzibar)

Suddenly, fiercely,
ponderous Autumn rains.
The sky churns, vanishes. 
Falling sheets of willowy water.

In humid aftermath
we burn, melt, elongate
on restless crimson couches, fatally alone. 
Night pierces: aromatic, forbidden.

Summer
I wanted to kiss you
in golden sunlight under blue –
is over.



Dream of Zanzibar (3068173668)

By mwanasimba from La Réunion (Dream of Zanzibar) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Poem written for Quadrille – 5: melt at dVerse. 
Also linking to Poets United's Midweek Motif: Climate


Process Notes:

I wrote an okay piece about the end of summer and rainy beginning of autumn, but it didn't really say anything new. So I used a tip from Diane Lockward's The Crafty Poet: If a draft's not working, list 12 of your favourite words. Add them to the poem.

Quite a challenge when you've only got 44 words to play with! But I'm much happier with this result than I was with my first draft. 

One of my added words was Zanzibar, and the only way I could work it in was by creating a subtitle. I didn't know exactly what that would be until I found the picture.

30 comments:

  1. I love this draft Rosemary....it gives a sense of the abrupt change in seasons with such powerful words....and your loving lament for summer as it ends is a wonderful way to end it. I love the tip you referenced a s well.

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  2. I love how this word challenge made you choose the words carefully ~

    I admire the aromatic and forbidden night ~

    Sadly it is over, but for us here, it is only beginning ~

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  3. I do love the melancholy here.. so different from the joy we fell in the northern hemisphere... the tip of adding favorite words is great.

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  4. You always seem up to the challenge, Rosemary. It paints quite the scene! Adieu, Summer!

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  5. (AND this lovely poem fits this week's midweek Motif!)

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    1. So it does, Susan. I'll link. :)

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    2. How happy I am to see this again! And it's strategy for spice.

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  6. A reminder to not waste sunny days and blue skies.

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  7. Loved the poem and thanks for the link. Will pursue it for sure.

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  8. A painting, Rosemary. I love this.

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  9. I would like to have a dream of Zanzibar; it looks like your revision paid off.

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  10. Summer is still here in North West NSW..beautiful swimming weather. Jeez we live in a bonza country, don't we luv!:)

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  11. One of my favourite songs has the following line, "Always the summer's slipping away" Your poem had that melancholic feel and I could truly imagine the lashing storms. Nicely done. :)

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  12. Clever use of alliteration in this poem, Rosemary.

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  13. "...on restless crimson couches, fatally alone...." Vivid imagery....I love the closing stanza - a lot.

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  14. luv your draft and the way you used the tip; the result is a fine write

    Happy Wednesday

    much love...

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  15. Gosh! This is absolutely gorgeous writing Rosemary :D
    Beautifully executed :D

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

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  16. Longing to kiss the place we dream of..the time that slips by that we think will stay forever...we are upside down on this side of the hemisphere..i would like to go back out and kiss the frost goodbye..like acknowledging the path we have been given and rarely seem to notice - except you have here..beautifully..

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  17. You did great with the challenge Rosemary. Love that last stanza! Beautiful!

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  18. This is so beautiful. That it's construction came with constraints makes it doubly so.

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  19. You did such a wonderful job combining the two prompts. I like the falling sheets of willowy water..your use of imagery is wonderful in this piece.

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  20. I love how there is so much mystery here, and sadness. A longing. Perhaps for Zanzibar? But I more so think for that feeling of connection that comes with summer. Nice job.

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  21. I love the exotic sound of Zanzibar and the aromatic and forbidden night...lovely, Rosemary.

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  22. Suddenly, fiercely,
    ponderous Autumn rains

    Autumn rains can be vicious. One yearns for other times when they come down hard. Truly said Rosemary!

    Hank

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  23. Love the process and the closing portion...works well, Rosemary!

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  24. UniVerse withiN
    foUr seaSons
    more
    insIDe
    WinGs
    spReading
    ouT.. faLL
    SprinGing
    Winters
    Summer
    balance
    liVinG
    asONeNoW..:)

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    1. Your comments are always a special treat!

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